Why does a small thing make people get angry the more they think about it? How to relieve anger?

"Can't you wash the bowl?"

"Oh, I'll wash it later."

"Wait, wait every day, if you don't want to wash, you don't want to wash."

"... I said I'll wash, what's wrong with waiting?"

"What are you waiting for? What's wrong with washing dishes? You just don't......"

——Daily conversations from a couple

The wife always conflicts with her husband because of these trivial matters, and she inevitably becomes more and more angry because of these matters. She even feels that her husband doesn't love her and doesn't care about her anymore. This makes me often angry. Such experiences actually bring a lot of pain to myself. So how can I avoid getting angry?

When the two sides quarrel due to conflict, the little flame of our inner anger may burn more vigorously because of any word or action of the other party. Anger is often controllable at the beginning. But if you are not allowed to get angry and vent negative emotions, the inner conflict will be stronger, and it may develop into accusing yourself, suppressing your emotions, and becoming more and more uncomfortable.

If you become angry and get angry the more you think about it, and even lose control, then you may have fallen into emotional thinking unconsciously, and then you will have an infinite cycle, anger-attack-anger, repeating over and over again, never ending.

So, it’s not that we don’t get angry, nor that we can’t be angry, but we need to learn to keep ourselves from falling into emotional thinking, making ourselves more angry the more we think. There is no right or wrong in emotions, and expressing one's emotions is also allowed. What is terrible is emotional thinking, which will make us fall deeper and deeper in our emotions.

Occasional anger and anger helps us regulate our emotions. If we are in such a situation for a long time, it will harm our physical and mental health. Next, I will share with you the small ways to get rid of emotions:

PART-01

Reduce expectations for others

It may be because the other party did not meet our expectations.

We look forward to the other party washing dishes;

I hope the other party understands and accepts us;

I hope the other party can accomplish things the way we think...

However, in reality, when the other party’s actions are inconsistent with our expectations, we will become more and more angry the more we think about it, and our anger will burn. Reduce expectations for others and reduceThe more I think about it, the more I feel, the more angry I feel.

PART-02

Get rid of the victim mentality

"You don't agree with my plan, it's aimed at me."

"Why do you treat me like this?"

Victim mentality - It seems that the whole world is against itself. Everyone is not good enough to themselves. They feel that they are always stuck in trouble and hurt. They surround themselves with anger. The more they think about it, the more angry they become.

When feeling angry, try to look at the problem from a different perspective.

"Although he did not wash dishes at the moment, he promised to wash dishes."

"He did not agree with my plan and pointed out the problem. He had carefully checked my plan."

This will help you get out of the victim's mentality and avoid falling into negative emotions and becoming more angry the more you think about it.

PART-03

Self-affirmation to enhance self-worth

Emotional thinking is related to a sense of self-worth. The lower the sense of self-worth, the easier it is to feel that no one loves him, no one cares about him, and no one respects him, the more he is panicked and angry, and the more he thinks about it, the more angry he becomes.

Self-affirming and improving self-worth are conducive to calmly dealing with problems and avoiding emotional excitement. There are many ways to affirm yourself, such as:

Practice and praise yourself every day;

Every time I'm angry, I write words to comfort myself;

Analyze and summarize the parts you have done well for each thing

... ...

PART-04

Express your feelings frankly

The more depressed the anger, the less unreliable the inner "anger" will be. Without saying a word, it will only become more and more angry, and eventually become a "bomb" that will affect life. Instead of swallowing your anger, it is better to express your feelings frankly.

"I was very angry about what you said."

"Can you not wait for a while before doing it?"

PART-05

Give up the attachment to right/right or wrong/right or wrong

Many times quarrels are caused because we have the "yes" that measure a certain behavior, words, and ideas in our hearts."No" and "right and wrong". Under the rules, there is indeed a clear distinction between right and wrong, but sometimes in real life, there is no way to distinguish absolute right and wrong. Sometimes it is precisely because the more you are attached to such thoughts, it makes us more painful, so giving up the attachment to absolute right and wrong, right and wrong makes us feel more relaxed.

PART-06

Find your emotional minefield

We don't always feel angry, but we are always particularly sensitive to certain "information", easily angered, and out of control. As long as you can find where your emotional minefield is, you can avoid emotional thinking to a large extent.

Everyone has different emotional minefields, such as:

When someone is rejected by the opposite sex, landmines will be detonated;

When someone sees unfair events, landmines will be detonated;

When someone is talking about their parents, they will explode.

After finding your emotional minefield, clearing the thunder one by one, of course this is not an easy task, but we can try to analyze and see how these "thunders" come from? Why are there? This process may be relatively long, but we can grow through continuous self-exploration.

A little thought:

What usually arouses your emotions?

Have you tried any other way to get rid of this state?